Feeling mournful

I am pre menstrual so I'm a little emotional today. I have become aware of how much I set my opinions and values around what others think. I need to trust myself and my opinion on things. It's a big insecurity of mine.

And I still haven't done the pre season tasks! I needed to use one of the kids computers and I forgot to ask them for the password. So I am just going to do it all on Thursday when my youngest is at preschool.

Weekly summary January 23rd-January 29th

Food-terrible. Less days within my calories than over.

Exercise-started off so well. 1130 over the first two days. Then I injured myself. Glad it is only pre season.

I am also three tasks behind. My laptop stopped working. We do have the kid's desktops but I need some peace and quiet to concentrate. If I don't get to it tonight then tomorrow I can do it.

I made lots of phone calls and attacked paperwork today. That kind of thing hanging over my head stresses me out so happy I made a start on that.

Rancho Relaxo

Four of my five kids have gone camping with their Dad for two days. I was going to do lots of gym time but I am still walking around like Mr Tumnus. Today it is better than yesterday so I'm hopeful that next week I will be back into it. Foodwise all is fine.

Quick check in

I'm on my phone so this will be short. I've had two good days foodwise, did TTT class yesterday and Body Combat today. We worked our calf muscles yesterday and I could feel it today but was fine during the class and then my calf muscles have completely seized up. I cannot stand upright. It would be funny if it didn't hurt so much! So tomorrow will be a rest day. I rang my Dad who is a runner to ask his advice and he said to rest and it may not be better for a few days. I am hoping that isn't the case as the kids Dad is taking them camping on Thursday and I was planning lots of gym time while they are gone.

Pre season Task 2 Get Real No More Excuses

I have been working on this and will continue to do so but I wanted to document what I have done so far. I think this list could easily grow.

External excuses

Kids are sick-I can do something at home using my iphone apps-Full Fitness, Nike Training Club or yoga.

Internal Excuses

I am sick-work out anyway unless I have the real flu or something that means I need to rest.
I am tired-tough luck. And make sure I get to bed at a decent time.
I am doing really well-yes because I have worked at it. No resting on my laurels!
I am overwhelmed-be more organised, just do it in regard to housework and study, stick to my schedule regardless of how I feel. I feel better when I work towards my goals
I’m no good at it-I do not have to compare myself to others. I am out there giving it a shot and my skills will improve doing it, I am not going to improve sitting at home
I am terrified of reaching that goal-what if I am not happy or content at that goal? What I do know is that I will be healthier, have more energy and I’m happier when I exercise. That is what I can control about this process.
I am not sure I really can do it-I keep self sabotaging. Work out why. Take time to reflect over the day every day
I am not worth it-this is something that I am struggling with. Overall I do like myself and think I hae value and can see my strengths but no matter how much progress I make I still have that tiny part of me that holds onto self loathing in my low moments. I am going to seek some counselling to deal with this.

STOP OVER THINKING. It’s ok to analyse and be in tune with your feelings and it is important for me to acknowledge them but that doesn’t mean that I don’t do the things I know I need to.

Brief summary January 16th-January 22nd

Monday

Food: 1200
Exercise: 620

Tuesday

Food: 1170
Exercise: 0

Wednesday

Food: 966
Exercise: 0

Thursday

Food: 1540
Exercise: 150

Friday

Food: 2700
Exercise: 0

Saturday

Food: 1500 (estimated)
Exercise: 0

Sunday

Food: 1500 (estimated)
Exercise: 200

Food: 10576
Exercise: 970

I guess the only thing I can say about that is that this week couldn't be worse. And despite having a really bad week I still did one lot of cardio and three stretch type classes.

Busy weekend

On Saturday we went to my youngest brother's 18th birthday party. I love my family so we had a lovely afternoon. The kids all ran around together for hours. I have three brothers, two nephews and four sons so the energy levels are always high. I gave myself a day off and had nibblies and a few drinks but not ridiculous amounts of anything.

Sunday I went to church then to a body balance class and then we went and bought the shoe shop out catering for my many children's feet. Again I didn't really calorie count but I don't think I went overboard.

So today I got on the scales expecting to see an increase of around 1.5kgs. I was up 100 grams. What!? I had plateaued the last few weeks so maybe this week I would have had a great loss if I had eaten better.

I really need to find some quiet time to go over the excuses pre season task again. I really want to give that lots of attention. I've made a start but I want to make sure that I do it more thoroughly. With it being school holidays and having five children quiet time is a rare commodity at the moment.

Confession time

I have had a shocking couple of days.

No exercise, 340 cals over yesterday and, wait for it, 1500 over today. 1500!!! I really need to do the next pre season task but my laptop is loading really slowly and it wouldn't load. And then I haven't had any peace and quiet.

So what is going on? Obviously I am freaking out now it is pre season. But I have been so tired and I realised tonight that I haven't been taking my multi vitamin. I wonder if that is why I have been struggling so much.

So that is me coming clean.

Today was good!

So glad I shrugged off yesterday. I had a nice sleep in (thanks kids!). Went to the gym and burned 400 cals. Then came home, did some housework, had another couple of kids over and we spent the afternoon swimming in the pool and then went to the beach. A really nice day.

I am now eating a lovely big salad for dinner. All is good.

Pre season has started!

And I did the pre season task-introducing myself on the forums, stayed on calories and was thrilled that my hip was ok and went and did cardio and a stretch class and burned 620 cals.

Today, well I sucked. Did ok throughout the day. Didn't go to the gym and felt a bit allergy prone. The day just went downhill. Not that anything happened and overall it was a nice day with the kids but by 7pm I was eating. I planned all my calories out and entered them into my fitness pal. Then I kept eating. 2 glasses of milk, some cheese and around 8 biscuits. So now I feel angry and disappointed in myself.

And I know it is no coincidence that this has happened when pre season has started. Why am I sabotaging myself now? I have been feeling awesome! I think I am scared that I can't really do it or that when I get there it won't feel like I imagine it will. I don't know and it's a bit too late to soul search.

A few questions I found on another blog

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Worked out what I wanted to do when I grew it
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Make some decisions about my life-and I did
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No
5. What countries did you visit?
None unfortunately
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A peaceful home
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
There's a lot from last year. May 27th was the day the baby I lost at 16 weeks last December was due. Sept 26th I started my study. October 21st I started losing weight. November 23rd joined the gym. November 24th my husband and I separated.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Completing first two modules of my course.
9. What was your biggest failure?
My marriage
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes I had a bad bout of depression over the first few months of the year.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Gym membership.
12. Where did most of your money go?
On food probably-I have five hungry kids.
13. What did you get really excited about?
Studying
14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
You make me feel so (la la la la la). My 7 year old loves this song.
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? Happier.– thinner or fatter? Thinner– richer or poorer? Poorer.
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Counting to 10 and reading my Bible
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Internet usage
18. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with Mum and the five kids
19. What was your favourite TV program?
Parenthood
20. What were your favourite books of the year?
I discovered Kate Atkinson-I love her books.
21. What was your favourite music from this year?
I am not good with modern music.
22. What were your favourite films of the year?
Not a film but I loved Downton Abbey
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 41 and stayed in a hotel with one of my kids the night before and then my husband and two of the kids and I went to a wildlife park for the day
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More energy
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Jeans-always jeans
26. What kept you sane?
Reading and my friends
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

It's never too late to make your dreams come true

A few short hours...

and pre season will start. I have been waiting for this since last October when I found the Michelle Bridges page on facebook. I started on my own and have lost 10.5 kgs. Other than a few years ago when I lost 17kgs with WW I have never been able to push through and lose more than a few kilos without self sabotaging. I am so excited that I am going to do it this time. It's taken a long time for me to grow up but finally I think I have!

I like to move it, move it

This is what I plan on doing at the gym this week if my hip is ok!

Monday: Cardio and a stretch class-that should be a fairly easy introduction because stretch will help and I can set my own pace with cardio.

Tuesday: TTT (Thighs, Tum and Tails) class and Pilates class

Wednesday: Weights and cardio and Lite Pace class-it's supposed to be "a light based class with non-complex moves". Finally maybe a class I can stay co ordinated with! lol

Thursday: Cardio and Pilates class

Friday: Body Combat class and Swissball class

I am quite excited about the week ahead. I just hope my leg is ok.

Brief summary Jan 9th-Jan 15th

Wanted to post a quick summary of calories in and calories out for the past week.

Monday

Food : 1397
Exercise: 623

Tuesday

Food: 1090
Exercise: 422

Wednesday

Food: 994
Exercise: 770

Thursday

Food: 1030
Exercise: 403

Friday

Food: 1448
Exercise: 647

Saturday

Food: 1035
Exercise: 0

Sunday

Food: 1764
Exercise: 0

TOTAL FOOD: 8758
TOTAL EXERCISE: 2865

I can see from this that I need more structure for my food. The eating schedule will help with that. I am pretty impressed with that exercise!

I am definitely not feeling on top of everything today. I haven't exercised over the weekend at all. I have injured myself. I presume in body combat. It is my hip and groin. It is ok sometimes but if I bend a certain way it stiffens up. I am just grateful that it has happened in pre season not when the challenge starts.

Measurements Part 2

I did my measurements a few weeks ago but I don't know where I recorded the information. I would like to know what has changed since then. I know I was impressed how much I had lost last time.

Today's results

Left Arm 35
Right Arm 35
Bust 102
Waist 90
Butt 107
Hip 101
Left Leg 58.5
Right Leg 59.5
Left Calf 37
Right Calf 37.5

I have lost a total of 50cms! Well more actually because I don't know how much I have lost off my calves. The thing I am most excited about is that I have lost 12 cms off my waist! I didn't really get why people measured themselves but I am glad I did.

Body Combat

Did the class today and I loved it! I burned 640 cals and I think I could have done more because physically I was doing ok but co ordination wise was not so impressive lol. I will definitely do this class again.

All up this week I have burned 2860 calories over 5 days. I don't have plans to exercise this weekend. My body is exhausted and the top of one of my legs is a little sore. But if the weather is nice I will head out and do some gardening and that should get rid of some more calories.

Weekly Challenge January 13th

Weekly Challenge: Set Yourself a Meal Schedule

This one is challenging for me! I do plan out my meals, but not the times I eat. I prefer a later breakfast too. It's the middle of the day that I can get caught up in. Breakfast and dinner don't change dramatically. I think for now I will just schedule times and work on the menu later.

9:00 Breakfast
12:00 Lunch
3:00 Snack
6:00 Dinner
8:30 Snack

Gym schedule

With it being school holidays I am a bit all over the place. I am started to look forward to when the kids go back to school and we have our regular routine.

Things to take into account-the creche is open M-F from 9:00-1:30 in 1.5 hours slots and also from 4:30-7:30 again with 1.5 hour slots. I have juggled around the best times I think. I would like to go at the same time every day but that just doesn't work for me.

So the plan is

Monday 4:30-6:00 My 7yo and 3yo come with me and I do the TTT (thighs, tummy, tail) class-the carer is our next door neighbour who sometimes has her kids there as he husband is a shiftworker so that makes my kids happy. I am home Monday but I prefer to stay home Monday mornings and potter around the house and catch up from the weekend.

Tuesday-we go to playgroup from 9:30-11:30 so my 3 yo can go to the creche from 12:00-1:30. My only concern with that is that he may be really tired. He does still nap most days. I can do weights and cardio.

Wednesday-10:30-12:00 3yo in creche and I will go and I will do the Body Pump class

Thursday-no creche as my youngest is at preschool. I will do cardio on my own and Pilates at 11:30

Friday-our church has changed all kids ministry to Friday afternoon instead of different days during the week from 4:30-6:00 so I can drop the three middle kids off at church, leave my 3yo here with my 15yo and go and do cardio or the cycle class

I could just go from 4:30-6:00 on Mon-Wed but that tends to put dinner a bit later and it hangs over my head all day too. I am so lucky to have some options to juggle things around-that would be so tricky if I worked. I study by correspondence so have a lot of flexibility.

I am an early bird today

Woke up at ten to six and was going to stay in bed but I got up and went to the gym. Only burned 400 calories. Realised I have become someone that thinks that burning 400 calories isn't my best. Then did the grocery shopping. And I have done washing, tidied the house, vacuumed and mopped. My youngest is back at preschool today so I am relaxing for a bit.

So all up so far this week I have burned 2222 calories over four days. That's not bad!

A great day!

Achieved everything on my list!

Did two classes at the gym tonight-New Body which is a low impact class in which I burned 520 cals and then yoga and I burned 250. So 770 cals gone. And I can't wait to go again tomorrow.

This begs the question-what has happened to me!?

Plans for today

I have a good day planned out. There seems to be enough hours in the day to get it all done. That makes me nervous lol.

So the list (if you are going to read my blog you need to get used to the proliferation of lists)

Clean up kitchen
Finish off and submit assessment
Tidy downstairs
Vacuum
Do three loads of washing (if the machine gets fixed)
Go to the beach-the kid's Dad is coming down with two of the boys and he isn't keen on the beach so I will just take whatever kids want to come
Collect DVD's up and return them
Cook dinner
Clean up kitchen
Go to gym and do New Body class and Yoga class

I will report in later regarding my progress.

What I learnt today

To trust myself and push myself.

I was planning on doing a class today but by the time I got the kids organised I was a little late. I could have gone into the class but they were warming up and it was quite busy and I felt self conscious. So I felt all sooky and went and worked out by myself. After my workout yesterday I struggled. I decided that I would be happy with burning 300-350 cals. So I did

10 mins on the bike on 4
5 mins on the rower
10 mins on the treadmill on 6.8 and then at 7 where I actually jogged for a whole minute!
10 mins on elliptical on 3

Then I did my stretches and cooled down. I didn't check my heart rate monitor until I got home and I realised I burned 428 cals. If I had known I had done that much I would have kept going and got rid of those last 70 cals.

Tomorrow I am going to the gym when my husband brings two of the kids back but I am not sure what time that will be. I am hoping to do the yoga class at 7:30pm though and will probably do weights and maybe a bit of cardio depending on what time I get there.

My re do of my assessment is pretty much done. I just need to have a look at it with fresh eyes in the morning and send it off. I will be so relieved when that is done-that has not helped my mood this week.

Not too late but ready for bed!

It's only 7:30 pm though so that would be a bit sad. And none of the kids are in bed yet lol.

This morning I woke up feeling ok, that feeling didn't last long because the washing machine wasn't working. With five kids that is a pretty dire situation! Thankfully it is school holidays and we spend a lot of time in swimmers so it isn't too bad but my teenager went away for a few days and came back with a full load to do so he may run out soon. On top of my stress about the assessment I was really annoyed.

I had booked the kids into the creche at 10:30. I did not want to go at all. But I moved my butt and worked out for an hour and burned 624 calories! I did:-

20 mins on bike on 4
just under 11 mins on rower and rowed 2kms
10 mins on elliptical on 4
10 mins on treadmill on incline of 2.5 and at 6.8
Very pleased with that workout.

When we got home I put my 3yo down for a sleep and my eldest babysat him and my daughter and I went to the beach. We had a lovely time and the weather was perfect.

Then tonight I took advantage of only having three kids and we went out to dinner. I had pork with mashed potatoes and vegetables. I hadn't had much to eat all day so I feel pretty confident that I am within my calorie allowance and I really enjoyed my meal.

Now I have to tackle this assessment again. I'll be happy when it's done but I have that very relaxed sleepy feeling from my active day so I don't know how far I'll get tonight.

End of the weekend

Not that seems very dramatic considering I don't work and the kids are on school holidays. I feel a bit aimless today-went to church this morning which was good, came home and laid down for a bit, then had some visitors for a while. I haven't started the re work of my assessment yet. I actually have a bit of a headache which I took something for but it is still lingering so I'll head off to bed soon.

This morning I felt really emotional. I think I am grieving a bit for the end of my marriage. It's what I want but it is difficult after so many years and so many kids. I have been feeling good overall so I was due for a good cry. It's good to know that at least I am dealing with it, not ignoring it by overeating.

Tonight I have planned out my week. Both gym and food. I have mixed feelings about going to the gym. My lazy self is saying no but my wanting to feel better self is saying finally! Plus it means I get 90 minutes to myself so that will be wonderful.

A special hello

to all my followers! It is a strange thing knowing I am typing away and people may read this. I started it as a record for myself but I managed to stay so motivated in the early days reading other people's blogs that I decided that I would share the link and hope that something I write might help someone else. Would love you to say hi if you are reading :)

Yvette

Such a better day today!

Firstly I have to admit I have not exercised at all today. It is supposed to be SSS which is one of the many anagrams that the 12WLT has lol. I will have to do my big workout on a Thursday though when the program starts but I could have done something today but I didn't.

However I feel awesome this afternoon. My husband took two of the kids for a few days. My eldest is at my Dad's until tomorrow. So I only have my 7 year old and 3 year old here. It is clean and peaceful lol. We went to the beach for a couple of hours this afternoon and had such a nice time. Two children is a piece of cake when you are used to juggling five!

And today I think it finally hit me that I have lost weight. I bought 2 skirts in size 14 on special to get me through summer. They were only $14 each! But I am comfortably fitting into a 14. And I didn't feel uncomfortable at the beach. I am starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I cannot explain how wonderful that feels.

The day went rapidly downhill

The kids are sick of the sight of each other and keep bickering. So my mood was already shaky. Then I got one of my assessments back. And I have to re submit it. It was done as part of a workshop and on the day I said I was concerned we hadn't met the criteria. So I did the assessment the best I could with what we did on the day as a group but there wasn't much to work with. I am frustrated because I knew we hadn't done it. I was trying to get us to spend more time planning the meeting so we could meet the criteria. But by the time it came around everyone was tired and it just didn't go well at all.

The good news is that I also received my other assessment and got excellent feedback. I got that after the other one though which is probably a good thing or my spirits would have been crushed.

Weighed in this morning

at 74.2 kgs! So a total loss of 10.6 kgs in 11 weeks. Not too shabby considering Christmas and New Year was covered over those weeks. I calculated my BMI too and I have gone from a BMI of 30 which is the lower amount to be classed as obese down to 26.3. Another 4 kg loss and I will be in a healthy BMI.

A much better day!

I weighed in this morning and was 75.1 kgs. So up 400 grams from my lowest weight but considering what I have been eating and that I haven't been exercising I am not complaining!

I did find my shoe lol and booked the kids into the creche for next week and worked out what I will do on what days. It's all in my diary. I haven't made it to the shops yet but will go tomorrow.

I decided at 6pm tonight to take the kids to the park. I didn't burn a lot of calories but I did more than I would have sitting at home :)

Feeling so undisciplined

I am a planner. I love a good list and a nice organised routine. But I am also inherently lazy. So when I don't have commitments I tend to sink further and further into the lounge. I never seem to be able to get that balance right between relaxing and being lazy. So what do I need to do to get back on track?

1. Find my missing shoe lol
2. Organise what times I will get to the gym next week
3. Ring the gym creche and book the kids in
4. Meal plan
5. Go to the fruit and vege market and stock up

That is a good start. I might have to put out a reward for the finding of the shoe amongst the kids-that should guarantee it will turn up.

I've lost my shoe

Yes really. In the Christmas clean up my shoes were taken upstairs and I can't find one of them. Between Christmas, Boxing Day, and New Year's Eve party and my youngest child's third birthday today I haven't been able to spend much time looking at it. I am missing the gym.

My food intake hasn't been fabulous today but I have been within calories. I have to do a menu plan later in the day.

Tomorrow it is supposed to be in the 30's and thunderstorms coming later. We will have to jump in the pool first thing.

The house looks a bit more presentable. Christmas decorations are all down and I have been able to straighten up the toys a bit. My eldest has gone to my Dad's for a few days so there is just me and four kids now. Two kids are in bed and the other two and I are watching Outnumbered.

2012!

I am praying that this year will be a brilliant one.

2011 was hard but I made some very positive changes.

I did ok over Christmas but then went downhill towards the new year. A few food temptations and no routine or discipline did not work out well for me. I weighed in this morning at 76 kgs.

This time next year I will be stronger mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.