Back on track Day 7

Well not great food wise today at all. But I did finish my last assignment. I technically have a month off now although I do get the notes earlier and start work on them.

So my focus needs to be me now. I have more time and no excuses to not be caring for myself better.

Back on track Day 6

Not a great day food wise today. No water, McDonald's for lunch and chocolate. I am struggling with my mood and I'm sure it is related to not binging. Sigh. Need to get that exercise done!

On a positive note though, I have had a very productive week. I had four assignments to write, I wrote the two short ones on Monday and today, started a longer one Monday night and finished it Tuesday and just started my last one and I've done one third of it. On top of that I helped in my daughter's classroom yesterday and did some P & C stuff and went to a school meeting last night.

Today the weather was lovely so my 3 year old and I went to the park, then the library and then to McDonalds.

Tomorrow I am helping at school for my third son.

I have had a cold most of the week too so not such a shabby week overall.

Back on track-days 3, 3 & 4

Travelling along well. Sticking to my plan quite nicely. I did have 2 more pieces of bread than I planned to though tonight though.

I have been exhausted. I napped for a couple of hours yesterday and went back to bed at 5pm. I stirred a few times and got up at 8 to send the kids off to bed but slept right through to this morning. I do have a cold and I was in a really bad mood yesterday so I needed the sleep. I think my bad mood was due to not binging.

Back on track-Day 1

So it’s confession time. My weight is back up to 76.2 kgs. Every day I would be determined to do better and every day I continued to eat and eat and eat. I knew that it was because I was stressed and worried but last night I realised that that isn’t the only reason. It is the same reason as when I started to lose weight, I can focus on my expanding weight and that I am not controlling my food and I don’t have to worry about how on earth I am going to manage financially and emotionally with five children on my own. So I had new resolve today and managed to stick to it. I hadn’t been able to confront how scared I am about the future.

So I am not counting calories for now. What I am doing is eating breakfast at 9am, lunch at 12pm, afternoon tea at 3pm, dinner at 6pm and supper at 9pm. I plan out what I will eat and it is taking the guesswork out of what I am eating and makes it hard for me to push the boundaries. And I am drinking water again. I will reassess next week and see if it is working me weight loss wise and if not I will have to be stricter.

I have 9 weeks until it is the yearly anniversary of when I initially started my weight loss journey. If I lose 11.4 kgs then I will be 20 kgs down. That would be an awesome goal to meet. But 9 kgs is very very doable and I would be thrilled with that too.

Something positive

I started counselling this week. One of the things we talked about was my eating and she wanted me to not change any behaviour but observe how I was feeling around food. I have had no desire to binge since and have been leaving food. I am not counting calories but being more mindful and I am staying off the scales. But the best news is that I have been to the gym three times this week. I did cardio on Tuesday, Pump on Wednesday and Balance on Thursday. My legs are so sore from Pump but I may go to Zumba tomorrow. The counsellor and I also discussed my all or nothing thinking and that I would plan to go three times to the gym which I have done.

I have also tidied and cleaned the entire house and I'm up to date with my study. I am hopeful that the iron injections are starting to have a positive impact.

So that is where I am right now. Starting to develop my good habits again.

Long long time

I wanted to just post this for my own accountability. It has been so long that the whole blogger format appears to have changed.

Last time I posted it was school holidays-it is school holidays again. I didn't even do a wrap up post about the trip to Melbourne for finale. The trip was brilliant. The workout was amazing with so many people. It was the first time I had exercised in a couple of weeks and I loved it. Sadly it was the last time I have exercised since.

I have gained 5kgs. So I have a total loss now of 10kgs not 15kgs. I do not know why I am struggling so much. A few things I think-I am definitely not coping well with stress and I'm back to using food to cope. I am seeing a counsellor in a couple of weeks and I am really hoping I can do the work and break this cycle.

I have lacked energy to exercise and was feeling pretty bad about that but I had blood tests done and found out my iron levels are at 8 and they like them to be around 80. So no wonder I have been lacking in energy. I am having weekly iron injections which started last week so that should fix that! Being winter makes me feel more lethargic too anyway I think.

I am part of a support group for an end of winter challenge. I am aiming to lose another 10% in the eight weeks which would bring me down to 66.5kgs. Just getting below 70kgs again would make me feel so much better about myself.

A few thoughts

It occurred to me tonight that I haven't been regularly taking a multivitamin so that maybe a lot of my food problems are as much physical as they are mental and emotionally. Part of that is because I am out of my normal routine as the kids are on school holidays. So tomorrow I will make sure I go back to taking it daily.

I also spoke to a friend today who has just been to the recently opened medical centre and spoke to the dietician. It sounds as though she was really helpful. She really got to the root cause of my friend's alcohol intake which is inhibiting her weight loss. So they came up with a different strategy for her to diffuse stress. So I am going to go and see if I can get a referral to see her.

I also googled the same centre and they have psychologists there so I am going to get a referral for that too and see if I can work through some of these issues. I am also going to talk to my GP about my depression just to be on top of it.